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Types of Web-Weres


He claims to have all the answers. He will claim to be able to teach you to shift in exchange for your adoration (and sometimes other things... see: Wolfsbane)


A kind of Troll, actually. A typical Poserwolf post is something like, "I woke up this morning with mud on my hands and feet and blood on my mouth. Three of my neighbors had been killed and partially eaten during the night. Should I be worried?"


He can't make up his mind, so he adopts any animal he takes a fancy to, until his internal menagerie is larger than most petting zoos.


(MLW) He thinks wolves are sweet, dewy-eyed love puppies, and would faint if he ever saw blood. He likes to collect huge online "packs" of people he doesn't know, and his mental image of his wolf side has a heart-shaped tattoo on his butt.


He snaps at everything and everyone. He mistakenly thinks his bitter tirades are witty. He will spew sophomoric insults at anyone who dares to do anything but totally agree with him. He doesn't understand why he doesn't have any real-life friends.


He has an axe the size of New Jersey to grind. Typified by "Kill the Hyoomans!" or "Kill the Vamps!" posts.


He never takes anything seriously. He can be a lot of fun until he mocks some heart-felt idea of yours... then you realize how irritating he is.

We're-Woof : Tea an' Pork Lips

"Pork Lips" for short, and "short" pretty well describes the life-cycle of this sub-species. He thinks that the WW:tA game is non-fiction. He can't figure out why nobody will take him seriously. He will bluster and threaten for a while until he gives up and retreats to his parent's basement to organize his Rage card collection.


He has one or more closely reasoned explanations why p-shifting is possible and will explain them at length... whether or not anyone wants to hear it. If you ignore scientific fact and logic, some of his theories will even sound plausible.


He is desperate to p-shift and will listen to anyone... no matter how ludicrous. He is typical prey for a Loup-Guru or Wolfsbane.


He is looking to cheat gullible shifters out of money or sex. Can be mistaken for a Loup-Guru. Typical Wolfsbane scams are; "Shifting Secrets" and "Werewolf Commune".


He is usually condescending and rude. He will show up suddenly and start issuing orders to everyone with a ridiculous arrogance that is absent in true alphas. He will usually have "alpha" in his name along with other hairy-chested words such as "blood", "thunder", or "death". In RL he is short and has a tiny penis.


He never hears what he wants from others and never gets what he considers to enough attention. Frequently departs forums "forever" unless people beg him to stay. Will sometimes evolve into a Wearywolf.


You can recognize this breed by the smell of burnt fur. Rarely seen, he will only post once or twice a year... usually something like, "I see everything here is just as screwed up as ever."


Actually a behavior pattern that is present in many other breeds. The typical Rp-er is making it up as he goes along... often found in Pork Lips, Wolfsbane, Poserwolf, Loup-Guru, and Ultra‹berAlpha.


He claims that because of his wereside he has all sorts of "special powers"; higher metabolism and pain tolerance, hyper acute senses, incredible strength... that sort of thing. Regularly gets his super-butt kicked by school bullies.


The hypochondriac of the shifter community, he will endlessly analyze and post his every experience in minute, tedious detail. He is terribly concerned about what percentage of his last mental-shift was actually astral... or etheric.


He will explain how much power and wisdom his wolf spirit had given him and then complain about his parents grounding him for cutting school.


He posts endless poems and stories, usually dripping with angst or gushing about how wonderful it is to be a shifter. Every once in a while one comes along who does really good work... not often enough, though.

Werewolf Hunter

Another type of Troll, he typically threatens to "kill all the werewolves". In reality, he would be hard put to wound a Chihuahua.


As Kipling said, "The female of the species is more deadly than the male!" Boy was he right... A typical Beech will tear your butt off when you do something stupid, and then hand it back to you with a sewing kit. Yep, they're strong, dangerous, and don't take guff from anybody... but what're you gonna do? Wolves don't mate with sheep.


Ever the Peacemaker, a Noble will try to keep discussions calm and positive, and goes to great lengths to see every side of every argument... no matter how many times the Flamers and Trolls turn a thread into a smoking ruin. Nobody ever listens to him.

Dr. Were (AKA GrannyWere)

The good doctor has the cure for all your ailments. He feels it is his duty to fix everyone's problem... whether they want him to or not. Unfortunately not all his advice is sound.


(Too Much Information) He will post endless rambles about non-shifter related, personal trivia such as who he likes in Biology class, what he had for dinner, why he named his dog Bobo, and even less interesting junk. He is a very valuable resource for those in the were community who suffer from insomnia.


This shifter operates by some strange logic that is unknown on this planet. He will usually viciously disagree with anyone who makes an obvious joke and take harmless comments as a personal attack. Most other shifters won't argue with a CluelessWolf... not because they agree with him, but because they can't figure out what the heck he's talking about.

Were Types thanks to Eric Elliot © 2001.